The Enigma That Is I
This is a blog strictly about literature writing containing short stories, playwrights, scripts, poetry, and word games. And maybe a few short films here and there. Any other sort of art is on my other blog that is for general blogging and reblogging:
HUMANIZER'S GUIDE
Other sites to visit:
DEVIANT ART
This is a new blog, but feel free to follow either one. If you have any questions about anything, advice, or just curiosity, feel free to ask, nothing is personal to me (: And I definitely love helping people; it's my passion.
Now that that's out of the way, let me introduce myself.
My name is Elizabeth, but many people know me as Spiffy. Why Spiffy? Well, it all started from neopets, (oh, yes, I went on neopets.) I did role playing. And well, this kind of role playing was like creating a story, with your own characters and interacting with other role players who were doing the same; creating a plot. I started at age 10. And it has made me the writer that I am today. "Spiffy" came about when someone told me that my characters were so "spiffy" and that word was so catchy that I decided to call myself that. And now, ever since then, people of the internet know me as Spiffy. It's a pleasure to be acquainted with y'all (:
I have passion for film; black and white, comedy, color, (especially) horror/thriller/suspense, etc. I love them all. I plan majoring in screenwriting at a college that does not matter. (: I love all genres of music, but I don't listen any mainstream; maybe a few artists, here and there.
I do scratch art as a hobby, but what I probably will do is make a blog that only contains art of all sorts, so one of these days you can see a whole gallery of them, but for now, it will all be scattered on the general blog. (:
I love quotes. Maya Angelou once said, "If you don't like something, change it. If you can't change it, change your attitude. Don't complain." I will read them, seek them, write them, and listen to them. Many of them are very moving. (:
Anyway, I'm off. I don't want to bore you with this about me. I just wanted to remind you all, that no matter how bad of a day you may be having, just know someone else out in the world may be having ten times worse than you. So be happy and SMILE. Because smiling is the best gift that is free that anyone can eve ber granted with. Beside, it's contagious and can make a difference in someone's life!
Winter just wasn’t your season? Well, darling, brunettes were never my style. Outstretch your arms like that again, your crooked elbows gets me every time. Please, do it again. Ooh, that sends shivers down my spine. Those luscious lips of yours, I believe, that’s what captivated me in the first place. Everything else, i could do without. Darling, you say, you’re just a tease, and you can get whatever you want. Well, I guess, you haven’t met me yet then. Whatever I see, I get, even if I don’t really want them. It’s not really my fault if people get caught in my cobwebs..I didn’t put it there, it’s just, no one has ever been around long enough to sweep up the dust.
So, if winter wasn’t your season, then 2012 just wasn’t my year. If a fiery dragon’s defeat wasn’t enough to rescue you from insanity and isolation, then your long hair was too brittle for me to climb. If my 110 percent effort was too much for you, then I will toss you aside just like the others. If my showering you with gifts like you were the world to me didn’t check off your entire wish list, then your existence isn’t enough to survive. If you want to ruin me, then I will bury you beneath the earth’s soil…alive.
“Hey Lucy, hey luce, hey Lucy.” Simon chanted as Lucy chewed her food, ignoring her brother. “Lucyyyy…” he continued to chime. “Lucy, look!” Simon urged. By the time Lucy grudgingly looked, Simon wasn’t ready. “Wait, hold on!” Simon begged, but his sister quickly lost interest soon after. “Lucy, look now!” He announced, excitedly. “I’m not going to look, and quit abusing my name, Simon.” Lucy groaned. “Just eat your food.” she told him. In a muffled voice, Simon whined. “Luufy, loof!” food began to fly out of his mouth and pieces of it onto Lucy’s food. Dropping her fork in frustration and disgust, Lucy replied. “What, Simon?! What is so important that you have to annoy me and contaminate my food?!” she questioned, angrily.
Beside her, sat innocent-looking Simon, who was now quiet. The two siblings shared glances with each other before Simon opened his mouth and stuck out his tongue. “Look! SEE-food!” he laughed. “I’m a sea dinosaur that eats its own kind!” Lucy stayed silent. Inside her head, she was thinking of unimaginable ways to torture her little brother after ruining her food; she was contemplating. “Don’t you get it, Lucy? Sea-food…as in..since you can see my food…Luce..?” his voice was now uneasy. The hairs on the back of his neck rose up. “Your nose is flaring, Lucy..you look like a dinosaur.” he teased.
And within a blink of an eye, Lucy flung herself forward toward Simon, while simultaneously, Simon leapt off his chair. And as if someone slowed the time, Simon hit the carpet, Lucy hanging off the other chair and silverware flew everywhere. “Ooh you’re so gonna pay!” Lucy threatened as Simon began his own pursuit for his sister.
I bet the heat against your skin has never felt any better as it does now, huh? You look pretty cold. Would you like a sweater? A blanket, perhaps? I would love to give you anything you’d like, especially hot cocoa or hot tea, only if you promise me something. Are you ready to hear it? Only if you promise me you won’t scream because if you do scream, you could kill us both. You may not remember, but we’re in the middle of nowhere, and it’s pretty freezing outside. And if you scream, well, that could wake up mother nature, and make her go crazy and cause an avalanche. Would you want something like that? Because I sure wouldn’t. So, as long as you don’t scream, I promise to get you a blanket and a hot drink.
Didn’t anyone tell you that it’s rude to talk with your mouth full? Why are you choking and spitting it out? Is it too hot for you? I told you I was going to get you a hot drink…It’s my specialty; it’s made not only with love, but your own flesh and blood. Did you know that when you get frostbite, your brain tells your heart to stop pumping blood to the rest of your body? So, your arms and legs die off, while it only pumps blood to the abdomen area so it can keep all the organs working in its orderly way? Isn’t that cool? Are those tears? Darling, don’t cry. It’s only a matter of time before the wolves come anyway. It’s okay, You won’t feel it. Well, I mean, by the time they get to your body you will be 95 percent numb. Look! Here comes the pack. Well, I guess, it’s my cue. Maybe you will think twice about getting into cars with strangers. Be happy, you’re playing a part in mother nature; every living thing has a mouth to feed; you’re just at the bottom of the food chain!
“You’re free.” Simon said, happily, as he lifted his hands and uncovered a white dove. “You no longer have to be in this hell hole anymore.” With a slight frown , Simon uplifted his arms once more with a swinging motion. The dove fluttered its wings, but didn’t budge. “C’mon, you’re all better now. Your wing is healed, it’s okay. You can go fly with your friends.” He encouraged, but the dove still didn’t move; it just stared back at Simon. Sighing, he walked over to the backyard of the place he called his dungeon. He was in the middle of a bright green scenery with a wooden fence, and grassy hills.
“What’s wrong with you?!” Simon frowned at the bird; it was cleaning its feathers as it snuggled against his thumb. “You have the ability to fly, and you don’t want to leave? At least you have a purpose. You know what you have to do in life, and it’s to fly again….” trailing off, Simon muttered under his breath. “I don’t. I’m just here…Alone.” The sound of the patio door slammed shut and out came Lucy with two glasses of lemonade in her hands. “If you call, having your bigger sister always jokingly picking on you, being alone, then sure.” she teased as she nudged Simon’s elbow, peering over his shoulder and smiling at the dove. “She’s all better?” Simon nodded his head. “She’s quite the beauty. And this place ain’t that bad, Simon. You’re just a pessimist, you see the glass half empty.” pausing, Lucy placed the glass down and scooped up the dove from Simon’s hands. “Don’t you get it? She represents your soul, your soul is set free the moment she flies. What you have in front of you, should be enough to keep the rest of you happy, keep that in mind.” she concluded as the dove flew off and disappeared little by little into the blue sky.
“Stop rushing me!” cried out Lucy. “Well, quit being so slow!” Simon shot back. “Well, maybe you should have thought this out more thoroughly, Simon.” “How could I, when all of this is so sudden! C’mon, Luce, hurry up!” Simon stammered as he rushed toward the front door, holding it open for his sister.
”Aren’t you forgetting your boots?” Lucy asked, quirking a brow and later mocking him. Rolling his eyes, Simon slipped into his boots, shoelaces untied and his body extending forward, pushing Lucy forward. Lucy dragged her feet, purposely annoying her brother and laughing along the way. “Geez, chill, Simon. It’s not like it’s going to go anywhere.” “Well, it’s not like anyone cares what you look like. There isn’t going to be any boys there checking you out! I don’t see why you took forever doing your makeup!” yelled Simon.
He continued on with Lucy with their adventure. The rain had just stopped pouring down and the sun was just peaking through the clouds again. Everything smelled fresh and new again. Jumping through puddles, excited Simon dragged Lucy and nearly yanking her arm out of her socket as he jumped.
”Simon!” Lucy whined. “You’re hurting my arm! I’m not elastic woman, I don’t stretch!” “We’re almost there, Lucy!” “Almost where?” “To the end of the rainbow!” Stopping in her tracks, Lucy gave Simon a blank stare. “You’re kidding, right?” Prying Simon’s grip off her arm, Lucy retrieved her arm back. “It’s impossible to reach the end of the rainbow, there isn’t a pot of gold at the end of it. Leprechauns don’t exist, Simon. Just like Santa, and the tooth fairy, Simon. None of it is real!” Lucy explained, frustrated. “You’re 10 years old now, it’s about time, you realize this.”
Simon kept walking, he was still in earshot of Lucy, listening to every word she was saying, but still kept on with his journey. “I’m not going to tell you again, Lucy, but I have two tickets to see the end of these two double rainbows, and if you’re not going to come with me, then I will go alone.” Simon paused. Turning around, he shrugged his shoulders. “I know the gold doesn’t exist nor does the easter bunny. But we haven’t gone on an adventure together, exploring like old times, since..” trailing off, Simon stops talking. “I want you as my sister to come with me; we have two spots waiting for us. You’re either in or you’re out. Which one?” Giving in, Lucy caught up with Simon, a shiver tickled down her spine. “I wish you would have just told me where we were going, it’s cold.” Shaking his head, Simon laughed. “I may be your baby brother, but you consist of unconditional complaints.” The two kids laughed, with a push and shove and a long journey of jumping into puddles making their clothes a mess. This was yet another misadventure of Simon and Lucy.
“Open your eyes.” I could hear you from behind; your touch on my waist, gradually fading away. This place is beautiful. Where and how could such a place exist? I don’t know, but you made it possible. It’s breathtaking and it makes my heart skip a beat. I watch you run up the hill, beckoning for me to follow you and meet you at the top. I can’t help, but laugh and do so.
“Look!” you point out toward the sky, I’m holding you close, pulling you down; you’re sitting between my thighs; my chin resting on your shoulder. I see it. You’re right, this place really is amazing. It’s getting a little breezy and I can feel your tiny figure shivering, but you’re too enthused by such a miracle that you refuse to get going. Instead, I hug you tightly, kiss your cheek and laugh with you.
I thank you by whispering into your ear. You turn around and face me with that wonderful smile that causes many people to look twice in your direction. You mouth an “I love you” to me and some other words. “What are they?” you ask me, such a curious mind you always had. Snuggling against your shoulder, I tell you that their falling stars from the sky. A frown escapes your lips and concerns me. “How come they are falling? Is there someone who will catch them when they fall?” So innocent. Your questions always leaving me breathless. ”They look like their shooting fireballs, daddy.” They’re whatever you want them to be, son. Your wish is their command. “Well, when I grow up I am going to fly across the sky just like them, so I can be there to catch them before they fall.” Is that right? “Yes! I will be their rising star! And they will no longer have to worry about falling down ever again!” But you already are my shooting star. “I am?!” Yes, Simon, you will always be my shooting star. I can see you jumping now, excited as you climb onto my shoulders. “Yay! Happy Father’s Day, Daddy.” Thank you, kiddo.
There once was a phantom,
who was dangerously handsome.
The town and all of its people could not really fathom
the cat that stuck by him,
so they took it for ransom.
It caused quite the frenzy
and many people’s pets began to go crazy.
Because little did they know,
that the phantom’s cat was no ordinary cat.
But a cat of the wandering souls of many lost rats.
And with that, the town wreaked havoc of screeching cats
that scavenged like rats,
and forever imprisoned the townspeople’s head to their hats
because that was the only place where they could maintain their sanity.
And finally, until the town was completely at unrest,
did one of the school boys knocked on the phantom’s nest,
and retrieved his beloved cat in return for eternal rest.
“How long will it be until you surrender?” laughed Jack, bully of the neighborhood as he pointed at Simon in a mocking way. “Only cowards surrender.” Simon replied, as he breathed heavily. He was wincing in pain, but managed to stand on all fours. With scraped knees and blood smeared on his elbows, and dirt spots on his face, Simon held back the tears and bit his bottom lip.
Standing tall, or what seemed up to the bully’s shoulder, Simon limped and pushed him back away from the wounded puppy. Jack who held the wooden stick in his right hand, and a clenched fist in the other, took a step back or two and smiled mischievously. “Don’t touch me, you mutt.” he sneered.
Simon stood his ground, doing everything he could and believed in to protect the wounded puppy behind him. There wasn’t so much he could do with his small frame, but he wasn’t going to let anyone break him; especially not a dumb fry like Jack. “Protecting your own kind, eh, mutt? No one can save you now, you’re nothing but a dirty-” Jack’s eyes widened and choked on his words as he peered down to Simon’s gripping hands wrapped around his neck.
“I’m sorry, what?” Simon asked, breathing a little better now. “I can’t hear you. Say that again, please?” Simon’s grip got tighter around Jack’s neck as Jack’s face turned cherry red. He was gasping for air, but to no avail, he couldn’t loosen Simon’s grip. Helplessly, waving his hands and trying to pry his hands off him, Jack slowly began to lose consciousness. Fear no longer existed in Simon. Instead, it was adrenaline that streamed through Simon’s veins like a rollercoaster; it was triumph that motivated him to keep going. If it wasn’t for the wounded puppy yelping in a plea for some attention; Simon may have never stopped squeezing. Quickly loosening his grip, Jack fell to the ground choking on air. “You’re crazy!” he cried out. Simon, on the otherhand shrugged his shoulders. “We mutts stick together. I only gave you a taste of your own medicine.” Simon explained.
How dare he incriminate my existence! Such a vile act, accusing me of such things; things that he did! How could I have stolen them? I was over here; curled up into my bed. I was a-ways dreaming of the unthinkable, the most desirable, the infamous creations that made life complete. I was only thinking of the mouth-watering, greasy, meaty, and cooked bacon! I couldn’t have even fathom of the idea as to why I would be even caught dead with those cookies.
I mean, yeah, they’re good, but after awakening from my slumber of heaven, cookies didn’t seem anything comparable to bacon…He should be the one tied up to this pole and outside in the cold. I shouldn’t be the one shivering my butt off and trying to find some sort of heat beneath my fur.
I mean, I don’t even have thumbs! How could I even reach that far to open the cookie jar, and carefully place the cover back on?! This makes no sense!
I love you guys, man I will always stay loyal to you, but can’t I get the same respect back? Don’t think I will ever fetch that stick for you ever again, little boy. You will always be the one who stole the cookies from the cookie jar. Always. I have a memory of an elephant. I will never forget. Never.
Close your eyes and breathe deeply. Inhale; hold that breath. Calm your mind; release all your inhibitions, and just free yourself. Let it all go. Ignore your surroundings, shut off the outside world. Turn off your brain; don’t you dare think about thinking, let alone over-think the situation. Enough is enough, remind yourself that. Let the sun embrace your body with warmth; let the wind sweep you off your feet and let yourself float. Imagine yourself soaring into space, where no one can interrupt your dreaming; just dream.
Open your eyes now. Do you see it? Can you hear it? Can you feel the cadence of your soul dancing? It’s free; you’re free. You have achieved the euphoric state of mind. Don’t think; just do. Always do, never think. Let your spirit run free; and just dance the night away. There. Congratulations, the curtains are closing, you can breathe again. Be sure to bow for your performance, you are now a swan princess.
When you look at me, you see right through me.
Within just a few days and a few conversations exchanged
This facade deteriorates within a blink of an eye.
I know nothing about you yet your eyes tell me everything.
The pain, the loss, the embarrassment; you’ve been through it all.
The courage, the success, the happiness; flows deep within you.
No need for our voices to be heard; the language of our bodies do the job.
Your hand on my chest; searching for my heart.
Your lips against my forehead; promising me a fantasy.
Not a fairy tale; they don’t exist.
Just a fantasy; things can become interchangeable at any given time.
Your arms wrapped around me; protecting me from what the darkness beholds.
Caught in this mess we call curiosity; courage doesn’t exist.
Relaxed and tangled in this jungle of sheets; sleeping the day away.
Bringing forth the moon and the falling stars; wishing for the night to never end.
Fully knowing that this dream would never last; reality awaits us.
With these last moments together, our lips touch;
For when day breaks again, we will have our lives to get back to.
Until then, I say goodnight until we meet again, stranger.
Anonymous Asks:
spiffysauce Said:
>.> thank you.
Where I can’t sleep. Where I feel like something is stuck in my throat.
Where I can’t shut my eyes without it being flooded with tears.
Where I can’t stop thinking. Thinking about everything and anything.
Thinking about the mistakes, and the constant other mistakes in life.
Where that faint ache in my heart that won’t disappear.
Where not even someone’s words could make me feel better.
Could take away my pain. This feeling.
I get this feeling every now and then. When I reach my peak.
And things are just overflowing. Or on the verge of exploding.
I am in that phase again. Not as bad as it was before,
but I am having another “episode”.
My heart just likes to skip a few beats, leaving me breathless. In a bad way.
This pressure on my chest is suffocating me. Preventing me to sleep.
Making it hard to swallow. Hard to turn my brain off.
Hard to do anything.
I can feel that sharp pain in my stomach forming again. Hurting me. Like knives.
Those odd dreams reoccurring. Getting more vivid each time I fall asleep.
If when I fall asleep.
Despite how fatigue I am, I Just become sleepless.
It’s that time again where even though I know I have people who would do anything
To comfort me, to be by my side, to be my friend, to care for me, to help me…
I still feel so alone. And stuck in this neverending abyss of inevitable and eternal pain.
Emotional pain is the worse. And what’s most frustrating of all..This pain, it has no source. I mean, it does, but not a specific one. It’s just pain from
everything and anything. And all bottled up into one huge emotional pain.
Hurting me, tearing me apart; from the inside and out.
This pain, is and has always been my weakness. I’ve never won this war with it. I’ve only survived through. Never overcame it.
Surviving just to see the daylight of tomorrow. Where survival isn’t enough.
It’s where I feel I’m not good enough. Not for the world, but for myself.
I’m not good enough to be loved, emotionally, physically, and mentally.
I’m not smart enough to find a way out of here. Out of this darkness.
I’m not brave enough to let others help me.
The only thing I am good at is disguising myself behind this mask.
Putting a smile on and give a helping hand to those who need it
Maybe more than I do. But even if the favor is returned,
I would never, could never accept it.
It’s not that I believe that I’m too good to ask for help.
It’s that I’m not good enough to waste your time.
Sure, you say, I will never be a burden and I can never waste your time.
but you all have busy lives, and this pain, it’s not fixable by the hands of a human being
or by a higher power/spirit. It’s just this unknown cause
this unknown battle that i have been fighting against since I can ever remember.
And it has stolen my breath away. My words. My senses. My everything.
That I can’t even fathom the idea of a way to explain what is going on.
I told you, I wasn’t okay. And I am still not okay. But I-I just don’t know.
I am not good enough for myself. And to change myself means that
I have to change every aspect, every person, every little thing, as well as friendships
career, life, just to be good enough in my eyes. And that would take me a lifetime.
And destroying myself just to appear “good enough” in the mirror to myself…
The mirror that reflects the person that I am inside and out…
is like smashing a million foreign mirrors, and then trying to piece every little glass
back together to find its rightful place. It takes time. In which I am running low of.
The clock is ticking. time is running out for me. If I don’t physically wither away
my mentality will soon beat me to the finish line; and I won’t be me anymore.
And there will never be an exit or a U-turn, or a way to get back to being me again.
She falls into this pitiful darkness. You reach out your hand, but the distance tears you two apart. She’s left, drowning in her own shadows, your light is fading away; clouded, disguised, floundering under the sea of blankets. Tangled in the utmost miseries, you wonder if there is any chance of survival, but then you hear a faint noise coming from the darkness. You near closer, the faint noise becomes a faint cry. The cry out for help attracts you closer. Its volume increases, it is her; she is screaming; almost mute, but there, the candle is still lit; barely. The wind hasn’t completely devoured her yet. Blindly, you reach out your hand, fingers yearning to touch something solid; something other than air, itself.
Fingertips touch, you gasp. Just a touch, but nothing more; it’s enough though. It keeps you going. You can’t see her, but you can feel her. Her screaming is louder, but the agony in her screams has softened. Now, she’s just screaming to fight for her freedom; to free herself from the total darkness. You patiently wait along the sidelines, guiding her blindly as you both search for the light.
She warned you in the beginning of what you were getting into; you ignored her and took your chances. You think back, and as foolish as you were, you decided from that point on you were going to find the end to this maze; defeat the shadows; and reignite her candle; making the flame stronger; aiding her strength; whilst at the same time, strengthening your heart, effort, and will to live. Together as one; seeking the end of the bed sheets; your pinky promises her that she would see the daylight of tomorrow. That promise lies deep within the soul of your heart. A promise that has to be kept until it is surpassed and fulfilled. A promise not only to her, but a promise to yourself.
Hidden Kiss
Kiss me under the moonlight;
Kiss me on the shoulder;
Kiss me until the sun rises;
Kiss me when we’re older.
Kiss me while we’re still young;
Kiss me while I’m still here;
Kiss me while we’re still free;
Kiss me for the new year.
Kiss me because you’re with me;
Kiss me because we’re friends;
Kiss me because you make me smile;
Kiss me before this night ends.
Kiss me before it’s too late;
Kiss me before you become my memory;
Kiss me before anything begins;
Kiss me before you fall for me.
Kiss me on the neck;
Kiss me on the cheek;
Kiss me on the forehead;
Kiss me while I’m still weak.
Kiss me so you can fool me;
Kiss me so you can seal the deal;
Kiss me so you can break me;
So I’ll know the pain is real.
Kiss me on the lips;
Kiss me on my hair;
Kiss me so I’ll remember
That you were really never there.
